Sunday, February 14, 2010

Beaded Valentine!

It's still Valentine's Day where I live, so happy day of love to everybody!

bead enbroidery, heart, by Robin Atkins
This is part of my February Bead Journal Project... the easy part! It only took me about two and a half days to bead this heart. It's about 3.5 inches wide. Now I have to work with the words, paper and the heart to make a collage...

My BJP plan for this year is to do collage and to include six words (all verbs), compiled on the first day of the month, on each piece. I don't ponder these words at all... simply list the first six that pop into my mind. Then I circle the most compelling word, which must be visually shown in my piece.

I posted my February words here... The circled word was cry. Immediately I wanted to erase the circle, even the word, and circle one of the others. Although I feel resistance to working with cry, I know in my heart it is all about Mom.

Fern, Robin's Mom
Here she is. She was 93 on Jan. 11! I took this and the picture below in November while visiting her for a week. (I live in Washington state; she's in Minnesota.) In December, her health took a turn for the worse and she was put under Hospice care by her Dr. I went again, staying for another week. This time she was very weak, sometimes unable to feed herself or sit up. Often she seemed very confused. Yet we did have several beautiful moments together when she was quite lucid.

Ferne, Robin's Mom
Mom and I are a lot alike physically and in personality. I'm her eldest child of five. Although we had our differences when I was in my late teens, at all other times we've been great friends, close emotionally, respectful, loving and supportive of each other. I understand that nobody lives forever. I know that her quality of life is poor, even on her "good days." I have a sense that she won't live much longer... and inside I am crying.

One of my tears, in the center of this beaded heart, holds a picture of Mom. She is surrounded here and in real life by my love for her.

36 comments:

  1. Very touching Robin and a beautful heart!

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  2. Dear Robin, some time ago I was wondering on how your mom would be doing. Remembering your post about your visit in december. I am glad to hear that she is still with you and cry with you in knowing that it won't be for long.
    The heart turned out beautifull. I am sure your mom will love it and will long have forgiven you the hard times off when you were a teen. It will probably have brought you closer. The eldest is always special to a mom.
    Loving thoughts to you and your mom.

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  3. Very beautiful and more so with your Mom's story. Do cry. Good will come of it. Love to you.

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  4. My heart aches for you. My Mum is 73 and I hope to have her for at least another 20 years. How you describe your relationship with your Mum is how we are. I remember the last row we had, I was 13 years old. My Dad has suffered with his health for many years. We have had so many scares. I try not to spend the time we have worrying about how long we have but sometimes I have a knot in my stomach.
    The pictures of your Mum are beautiful. They make me smile.

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  5. your work, your stories always move me. your heart is beautiful, and so is your mother. i think about my own mom and get sad knowing that i won't have her forever. i am waiting with anticipation to see your page completed. i know it will be extraordinary.

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  6. Your beaded heart is just beautiful but your post did bring a tear or two to my eyes....just makes me miss my mom who I lost when she was only 56. We were best friends and I still miss her so. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

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  7. What a lovely piece and a tribute to your relationship with your mother. It does hurt so to loose them. You have her smile.

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  8. Its a beautiful heart, Robin.

    You are a lucky person. You have had your mom with you for a long time. When the time comes, you will mourn, but then you will remember your good times and celebrate her life and your love for her. There are so many that do not have that opportunity.

    Be well and be happy
    xx, Carol

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  9. A lovely tribute, a beautiful heart. My parents are both in their 90's, and I understand your feelings of inevitability well.

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  10. Your Mom is beautiful - as is this tribute to her. I love looking at faces older than mine - seeing their entire life in the lines, like a map that crease the face. Seeing the light in eyes, those same eyes that have seen so very much in one lifetime. You and she have a beautiful gift in each others love.

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  11. My dear Robin...as always I am completely mesmerized by your beadwork... It is so filled with color and joy... To me your tear is a light ....the light in your mother's eyes...

    Gerry K.

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  12. such a lovely beaded heart, and touching tribute to your mom...

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  13. Oh my. I called my mom on Friday, and now I feel like I need to call her again.

    This is a beautiful tribute.

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  14. Lovely picture of your mom.
    I wish you and her a very peaceful time and path.
    <>
    from far away but from the heart
    Tally

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  15. Your mom and your heart are both so beautiful they bring tears to my eyes...my mom will be 90 this year and I'm going to call her right now and tell her how much I love her. Thank you so much for the inspiration, robin.

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  16. Wish my mom were still here to call. This is a wonderful tribute to a special lady.

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  17. beautiful work as always and the word has hit me with this post. My heart is crying with you and for your mom. peace

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  18. Beautiful beaded heart and the sentiment behind your Feb BJ project gave me goose bumps beacuse it was so special.

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  19. Robin make it a collage of celebration of your and your mother's love for each other. You have wonderful memories and have had each other for a long time.

    My Mom was 91 and it still hurt but I think of her often and laugh when I find myself repeating some of her old sayings. At times I am turning into my Mom. You will find the same.

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  20. Your beaded heart is wonderful Robin, and such soft gentle photos of your mother. The emotions you expressed,"respectful and loving" are so important.My mother and I are very different people, but those two words have always been very important in our relationship.I feel lucky that she is still around at 82 years old.Thak you for sharing such a beautiful post.

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  21. Thank you so much for posting those photos of your dear Mom! I lost my mother in 1983 when she was in her mid-60's. So I understand just how precious every moment in time can become for you.

    I love what you are doing with this year's BJP!


    Kathy V in NM

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  22. Your heart and Mom are special, what a beautiful way to connect them. Loosing them is never easy, always remember the good times and they are with you always. Hugs to you and your Mom, Robin.

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  23. Just cry, Robin. There is joy in the crying. Joy and sorrow and hope and love and it's all part of really living. But I think you know all of that. You know it because that is one joyful heart you have beaded this month! Love the flower sequins, the buttons and the fact is front and center in your heart today.

    I see so much joy and love and comfort in your Mom's pictures -- I can tell she loves having you around. Isn't it wonderful that she has that rabbit to comfort her? Is it from you?

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  24. Robin what a beautiful post and the pictures will be for you to cherish. Crying can be part of your healing process, so cry, but hold your memories tightly forever.

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  25. All of your words for the month are perfect for you and your mother. It doesn't matter how old our loved ones are the thought of loosing someone dear to you will hurt. Cry and be happy for all of the wonderful memories you have and will continue to make.

    Your heart is beautiful, I love that you are combining your beading with mixed media. Your heart will shine in the whole piece I am sure.

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  26. What a beautiful way to express and share your feelings about your mother. Thank you for sharing this with us all.

    The heart looks so lovely! I can't wait to see how the rest of the piece looks.

    I really like the buttons. They add a nice color and texture, and also remind me of all the small, special things a mother does to make a home... like sewing on buttons.

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  27. Oh Robin. This heart is beautiful. I like the fringe especially.

    Know that hospice comes in to help your mom and her family & friends have a smooth transition to saying goodbye. They know the drill and very gently guide all of you so ask as many questions you can think of to prepare yourself.

    93...that is really something!

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  28. 93 is a very respectable age. You are lucky to still have you mother, Robin ! I remember crying as a child thinking that I would lose my mum one day, and she's still there...

    Why grieve thinking of tomorrow when you can enjoy today ?

    Love,

    Hélène

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  29. 93 is a very respectable age. You are lucky to still have you mother, Robin ! I remember crying as a child thinking that I would lose my mum one day, and she's still there...

    Why grieve thinking of tomorrow when you can enjoy today ?

    Love,

    Hélène

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  30. Robin! Your piece is wonderful and even before reading your post I knew that your piece was about your Mom. What a sparkling jewel she is!!! She reminds me so much of my little swedish grandmother who lived till she was 102. I was not able to be with her near her end and I ached to be there. You are so lucky to be having wonderful moments with her now. Hospice is wonderful and they will amke this transition beautiful for her and will be helpful for you. I am so sorry that she is failing- wish that they could live on physically but she will live for your forever, in your heart!!

    big warm hugs to you dear one!!
    E

    I love how you ahve included the buttons and the Bird in the heart design!!!

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  31. Robin I just love this heart. I love hearts but I love all the roads here and there that lead to Mom AND SURROUND her. Its beautiful. I love those beaded flowers. Julie C

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  32. Challenging piece for you, but healing as well. It's a wonderful piece and I am sure she would love to see it! She's a wonderful lady! Thank you for sharing your experience. Peace T

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  33. {sigh} I've been wondering how your mother was holding up. It will be hard indeed when she finally leaves. This beaded heart is a beautiful manifestation of your love for her and your bravery in acknowledging your feelings.

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  34. What a beautful heart - I really love the lacy elements made of beads! And even more touching and beautiful is the love beteen you and your mom that shines through this piece.

    It is a lovely prayer for your mom that will make her transition more peaceful for both of you. I hold you both in the prayers of my heart.

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  35. It is indeed a lovely heart...with those wee flower sequins in evidence!

    You are enjoying the most golden time of your friendship with your mother...even the tears are precious.

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  36. I've been rather out of the loop but trying to get back in sync so am visiting some of the blogs. I am so sorry your mom is so poorly. I know we can't live forever but it isn't easy to lose those we love and with hospice it becomes rather a waiting game which is also hard. Your piece with the heart and the words topped with CRY is terrific. Take care.

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